I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
