Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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