My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
