They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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