a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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