I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
