I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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