Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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