Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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