my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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