i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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