Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
