So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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