You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
