I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
