First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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