grandma shit on top of the toilet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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