I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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