well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
