roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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