So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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