good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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