Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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