two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
