some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
