I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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