Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
