Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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