yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
