guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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