just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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