that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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