We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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