i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
