I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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