I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
