At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
