They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
