I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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