If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
