I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
