how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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