They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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