Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
