alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
