holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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