you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
