he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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