i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
