I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
