Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
