I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize