i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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