My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just tell him i said nine months
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
