come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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