Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
