I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
