We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
