Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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