well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize