help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
