Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
