I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
