I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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