well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize