I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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