I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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