My hand turned me down
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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