I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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