he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
