1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
