Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
