I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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