She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
