Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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