Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
