I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
