it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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