I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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