Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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