my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
