weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone says I win the strip club
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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