In the future we'll all be gay
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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