Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
