Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
