It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
