Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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