just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
