dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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