call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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