We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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