the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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