i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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