haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
