and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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