Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
