Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
