I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
